Grief on Father’s Day

Its Father’s Day, the cards have been picked over at my favorite bookstore and there are lots of funny stories about ugly ties on Sunday morning news shows.  If your father is deceased or otherwise absent this day can be difficult.  Depending on your particular situation the day may be filled with a variety of emotions ranging from tender sadness to anger.   Reflection, memories and telling your story is very helpful.

My father died four years ago.  He was a jazz musician and frequently played at local dinner clubs.  During my younger, naive years I was in the audience at one of those fancy dinner clubs. To my surprise my father put his horn down, came to my table and brought me to the center of the dance floor.  We danced to one of those old smokey blues tunes while the rest of his band played on.

That was 30 years ago, I was a young girl.  I didnt know much about death and dying or losing someone you love.   I also did not understand that this dance would in time become my most precious memory of my father.  That night he saw me as his grown-up daughter that he could hold in his arms and dance to the music he had created.  His love, his passion and his language of life came through his music. The same attributes that made him such an incredible musician.  It is that dance that makes me feel loved more than any words he ever spoke to me.  The music, and his trumpet were his words.  It was how he communicated , and ….”if I could get another chance I would dance with my father again, (Luther Vandross).”  For now I will have to be content listening to old scratchy recordings.

For those of you who have lost a father my thoughts remain with you and I wish you strength in your healing process.

Please enjoy this beautiful video by Celine Dion as she performs “Dance With My Father” written by Luther Vandross.

Julie Siri

I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a specialization in death, dying and bereavement. I have worked over 20 years in hospice and have a deep respect and understanding regarding the end of life care process both for the dying patient and their family and friends.

This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. I remember standing on my father’s feet when he would dance with me to his favorite piece of classical music.

    One blessedly never knows the precise moment when the future ceases to exist for our loved ones and for ourselves. Let’s dance with our memories of life until that moment and cherish our time here while we can.

  2. This man loved his daughter more than anything else in the world.  She could have looked the world over and never found a better father.  She was by his side when he passed away.  Mom

  3. Well said and so true. Your words captured my feelings!

    Beverly Sweigart

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